Advice about getting justice and helping someone recover mentaly from being raped

A little over a month ago, my girlfriend told me she had had sex with another man. I stayed with her because I loved her and even then didn't seem right. Since then we have found out she was raped. This was through what she said when she first explained to me what she had done, how she has changed since and other more private things, and when confronted she didn't deny it, only said that it was her fault that she was raped, because she went to meet him that day, an ex boyfriend, as he had said he needed to see her, and because she couldn't fight him off and that she fainted...


I hate myself atm, because when I first thought she had cheated on me, I treated her like ****, I should of realised something was wrong, she stopped sleeping, was crying nearly all the time and wouldn't talk to anyone. And then to top it off I made her apolgise to me. This is beside the point though.


I only haven't gone looking for this guy with a bat and a group of friends only because I have uni in a couple months- which i would jepodise for her but she wouldn't forgive me if I threw away my opportunity. This only leaves getting the police involved but I have been on RapeCrisis.co.uk and that left me more confused than before.





What is the chance of there being a conviction, and its now only her word against his as the marks have gone from her body now, where the ****** her had grabbed her etc...





Also does anyone have any advice of how I can talk to her and to ease the mental suffering she's going through? I love her and want to do all I can to help.Advice about getting justice and helping someone recover mentaly from being raped
Not sure how your justice system works in the UK, but I know very well that here in the US, in most cases where the police aren't contacted right away after a rape, the chances of a conviction are very slim, the logic being that evidence in the form of bodily fluids need to be collected before they can be washed away and later used in court. Without that, it's nearly impossible to tie the perpetrator to the victim, and simply going on the word of the victim is not enough to get a conviction. Sick, but true. In her case, it's never too late to contact the police and see what they can do. In many cases, samples can still be pulled some time later from clothes, hair, skin, etc.





Did she know her attacker or was it random? That will also play a big role. I think it's fantastic she has a boyfriend who cares, because trust me, she's going to need all of your support in the time to come. Sadly, she'll probably never be the same after this, but the sooner you contact professional help, the better she'll start recovering and turn out in the long run. That's the direction you need to head right now. Good luck.Advice about getting justice and helping someone recover mentaly from being raped
First of all, your girlfriend knows her attacker and can identify to the Police. So that is your first port of call, the Police.


The Police will take a statement from her, investigate the allegation and then if it is warranted, make an arrest.


The Police can also put you in touch with professionals who can help in this situation. So go to the Police TODAY.
just ask her if she wants to talk about it, and you should go to the police,
theraphy.
The problem now is that it wasn't a recent occurrence and like you said there is now no evidence. I can't tell you one way or the other if you should go to the police because that is your, and your partner's decision.


However what you should do is get in touch with a group like Rape Crisis or another charity that supports people that have been raped so that they can offer support to the both of you. It sounds like she needs some counselling whatever you decide and you both need to talk to someone that understands. Apart from anything else she needs to come to the realisation that it wasn't her fault so that she isn't left with any emotional scarring.


Don't blame yourself for your behaviour - she TOLD you she had cheated on you so of course that is what you thought. Well done for being so supportive now, and you are right, going after him yourself would not help the situation.


Good luck with everything.
therapy and a lot of support from you let her talk about it when she wants to don't force her to talk about it , and now it is only her word against his, so justice through the legal system probably wont get anywhere.and if you do do something to him make sure there is no witness.
well I would pull her close and let her know that no matter what I still love her and want her to be with me, let her know that rape is never ever ever ever the victims fault, and me being me i would find this guy and make him pay for it in the worst way shape fashion or form because rape is one of the worst crimes
Hug her and be there for her. Tell her it's ok, just simple things. Don't talk about details because it might scare her or remind her of it. Don't beat the guy up or anything because it'll make it worse and won't help her. I'm not sure about the chance of getting a conviction but honestly I doubt it's very high unless there is clear substantial evidence meaning physical evidence. I could be wrong though. I was molested (nothing compared to being raped but it's still horrible). All I can say is just comfort her and let her cry if she has to or let out her emotions. Don't force her into therapy (I know you won't but if she doesn't want it don't encourage her). I know my mom always says about counseling and it's the last thing I want because I somehow think it would be worse.
Did you make sure you apologized to her for being mean? I'm guessign you did. Make sure that she understands that you are truely sorry for it, too.


Then, reinforce the point that it's not her fault, even in the least. Explain that even if she did go to meet him, it was him that forced her, and that leaves no fault on herself.


Make sure you tell her that you love, and that you will support her through whatever she needs. Essentially, make sure she knows that you are there for her and that if she ever needs or wants to talk that you are there to listen to her.





Any help? Please?


http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?鈥?/a>
There is no easy way to speak to her about it. The best thing you can do is just appologise to her. Tell her that your sorry for the way you treated her. You need to make her feel special and loved right now. And also she will probably be wanting to get rid of the memory. (I had a guy try to rape me so I know kinda how it feels. You just wanna forget it) Just show her how much you love her. I know you will wanna strangle the guy that did it, but seriously he isn't worth it. And your right, there isn't really a lot the police can do. Thats why I never bothered to report it. Just spoil her. Help her to get past it and forget it, because I can assure you, if she is anythign like me, she will probably be doing anything in her power to put it as far at the back of her memory as she can. I was petrified when I told my boyfriend, coz I thought he would wanna leave me, but he was great about it. He just hugged me and told me it was all going to be ok, and he just took me out for a meal and stuff and we talked about everything other than that, and it really helped me put it behind me. You need to do that. Just treat her. Show her how special she is, because she will also probably be feeling pretty dirty and pretty shi**y, especially after the way you treated her. Just treat her like a princess! I hope she is ok soon :) Help her!
It's a tricky situation to evaluate. She's doubtlessly better off in the hands of professionals. How long have you been going out with her?





To be frank, when I first read this, I thought you should cut ties with this girl, and here's why:





The main reason for me is that she went to hang out with an ex-boyfriend without you there. If your girlfriend has a male friend she's known forever, odds are he's not going to rape her. If this is a quality person AT ALL, the guy's not gonna rape her.





She didn't get raped in an alley; she went to see the guy who raped her. How far ';Ex-'; are we talking about? If you guys've only been going out a couple months, then she did not go over there as an innocent. If she's your girlfriend of a couple years, she's got no business filling a request of an ex from way back.





The bottom line is she should've been honest with you from the get-go, about him contacting her, about her going to see him, about him raping her. Now that it's said and done, she'll still be better off in the hands of the Police and her family.





And yes, you should find this guy with a bat and beat him until he stutters. If he had sex with your girlfriend while you were going out with her, that would be ';his bad.'; Just please, protect your identity.
rape is a serious thing


i think this situation is beyond u r hands


u need a profession try seeing a therapist


if she wont go then still see a therapist u r self and ask the therapist for advice i dont think anyone here is gonna give any advice thats gonna help





as for the case i suggest u see a lawyer or some one in law profession


good luck